And now, a random list of things dogs would say if they could speak. (Don't worry - Phoebe will be back soon.)


Please stop dressing me up like a bee. I may sniff rumps, but I have more dignity than that.


I don't have the heart to tell her this: I'm Jewish.


If you don't stop biting your nails, am I allowed to put a cone around your head?


It took 15 minutes of sniffing to find the perfect spot. It took you 15 seconds to throw it all away.


I look like a f*cking mop.